So I am pretty much to my present time with bits and pieces of the past going in and out of my blogs. But I had a complete break down tonight while I was at work. I dont like to do this because I like for people to think that I am a strong person I dont like to show weakness even though I know it is human nature. I guess everything that has been going on in my life has finally caught up to me and I just lost it. I try to keep my emotions in check so that no one will ask me that question that I hate being asked because I dont know how to answer it anymore... Whats wrong? I have to learn who I can and can not trust with things that are going on in my life.
Life has its twists and turns and you have to learn how to move your body to flow with those turns and such. mine I guess forgot how to do that tonight becasue I hit the tree that was blocking my path and it hurt. I have always said life will throw you curve balls you just have to learn how to catch them and I have tried really hard to do that. To learn how to catch them I guess in order to learn to catch them you have to drop a few. Tonight I dropeed one of those few.
I mean when I got arrested I was calm and collected on the outside but was dying on the inside. My friend who was there that horrible day asked me the other day how I was so calm about it all. I told her because there was nothing I could do about it and basically what was done was done. I cant change my past and I cant predict my future so instead of living and dwelling on the what ifs or the what could be Im gonna start living in the now. And I am going to love every "momma pee pee momma pee pee", every scream, every morning being woke up by either her foot in my face or her mumbling to herself... I am gonna live for my daughter for the one person who will love me unconditionally no matter what and who is the one person who keeps me sain and that amazes me everyday...
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